If you'd give me the chance
by fizii
Summary: What if the conversation in the loft at the end of the last book had gone differently? What if the whole "going back in time" thing had gone differently? Response to Fizii's mental questionings of what could have happened... R


**A/N: Nananananananana na na na! **

**I'm back! To the mediator section! **

**Ok, so I've been away for a while... Well, oops? :L So, this is a little thing I've been planning since yesterday (ok, so not really planning). This is from _Twilight or Heaven Sent _whichever version y'all read. Does anyone else wonder if the convocation in the loft of the barn had gone differently? If Suze had not been selfish and agreed that Jesse shouldn't have died?**

**Well, I did. So this is what I came up with! :)**

**DISCLAIMED TO MEG CABOT. STUFF IN ITALICS AT THE BEGINNING IS PART OF THE ACTUAL BOOK.**

**Review? For me? Pretty please?**

**-Fizii**

If you'd give me the chance

'_Then I don't get it,' he said simply. 'Why him? Why not me?'_

_Oh. That._

'_Because he's honest,' I said. 'And he's kind. And he puts me ahead of everything else-'_

'_So would I,' Paul said. 'If you'd give me the chance.'_

I bit my lip and looked away. He just looked so… So _honest_, so _trustworthy._ His face was open and vulnerable, baring everything to me. He wasn't lying now, his face was serious almost-well- desperate.

'Suze,' he began again. 'I really would, you have to know that… Just give me the chance to and I'd make you happy. I swear I would.'

His hand came to my face to make me face him, his eyes met my own and I couldn't look away.

'Please, Suze, come on. Give up this stupid fight; it's not doing anything for either of us. It's only going to hurt both of us in the end.'

'Oh really?' I got a little bit of my annoyance back at long last. 'I bet you'd just love that wouldn't you? For me to give up, to forget Jesse.'

'Only because it was the least painful way. I mean, Suze, what I was- what I _am_ going to do is the least painful option, you have to admit it. Jesse lives, you forget everything, everyone is happy.'

'You mean everything works out for you-'

'_No. _Everything works out for _you, _Suze. You get your happily ever after crap you wanted, you get Jesse to be alive and happy, you get everything.'

His face moved closer to mine, his hand still cupping my cheek.

'Everything you want, Suze, everything.' He whispered into my ear.

I shivered, albeit not from the chill. I felt him smirk slightly right by my right ear.

'P-Paul…' I cursed myself silently. _Why_ was my voice shaking?

'Shhh.' He gently kissed my right cheek and withdrew to stare into my eyes. 'You're not losing, Suze, nobody will ever think of it that way.'

Gently he brushed his lips against mine sending tingles throughout my body.

I sighed.

'Say yes, Suze, just one word and everything will be as it should be. Just say yes.'

He leant forwards again and captured my lips with his own.

The smell of his aftershave cut through my senses, the warmth he emitted washed over me and I forgot that I was in an attic of a boarding house in 1850. I forgot that this was the guy who tried to kill me last summer. I forgot everything.

I kissed him back.

Paul pulled back after several long minutes of silence and, pushing a stray lock of hair out of my eyes, smiled at me.

'Come on, Suze,' he urged quietly. 'Just say-'

'Yes.'

The word was out of my mouth before I had the chance to rein it in.

Something in his eyes changed, just a little something that I was not able to identify… But a second later it was gone.

Paul smiled and leant forwards to kiss my lips passionately. There were so many emotions in that kiss that I couldn't understand; I had never received a kiss like that before.

'You're tired, Suze, go to sleep, sweetheart.' Extending his arm around me, he pulled me against his chest.

He was right, I _was _tired. I fell asleep instantly.

When I woke, Paul was in front of me with a pie… No, I'm not kidding, a pie- for breakfast!

I didn't really know what to say, it was one of those awkward morning-after moments where you remember everything and kinda wish you didn't.

'Here,' he passed me a fork.

'Thanks.'

We ate in silence, not really knowing what to say… Well, in my case anyway.

'You really are beautiful, you know that?' Paul had broken the silence, put down his fork and was just staring at me with a small smile on his face.

I looked away; very aware of the conversation we had had last night.

'Don't worry, Suze. It will all be different when we get back, I promise. It'll be better, less painful.'

I nodded, trying not to cry.

Yes, I liked Paul. I did! But… It didn't mean that Jesse and I- it didn't mean it didn't hurt like hell. And it did. Hurt like hell, I mean.

'I'll be right back, ok? I'm just going to see if the coast is clear.' Kissing my forehead he climbed down and walked out of the barn.

I waited… And waited…

Until I heard someone clambering up the ladder. Worried that it was Mrs O'Neil or someone else who I most definitely did not want to see, I backed away from the edge.

'Hey! Simon!' Paul hissed, sounding a little breathless.

'What? What's happened? Why-'

'We should go.' His voice was set, he sounded cautious for some reason.

'What? What do you mean? We're here to save Jesse!' I was not leaving until I saw that Jesse was safe. I wanted- no, I _needed _to see that he was safe.

'I've taken care of it! Now come _on!'_

I froze. I comprehended what Paul was telling me.

Jesse was going to live, Felix Diego was dead. My whole world felt like it had fallen apart-no seriously, it did.

After all this time, where everything was about Jesse…

'I want to see him.'

'No.'

I tried to move towards the ladder but Paul grabbed me.

'Let me go, Slater.' I hissed through gritted teeth.

'We're leaving right-'

'Gracias Señorita.'

'Jesse…' I breathed, hearing his voice from beneath the boards.

I stopped struggling against Paul and went limp in his arms, just listening to Jesse's voice… It hurt. It hurt so, so much.

I could feel Paul tighten his hold on me and begin to shift.

Everything went black.

…

We landed mid-air in my garden.

Paul picked himself up before I managed to and offered his hand, which I took, and pulled me up too.

'Suze…'

'Not now.' His look changed to one of shock.

'I… You remember?'

Truth was that the more I tried to remember, the harder it was…

Me and Paul had gone back in time… Yes, that was right, we saved someone. Someone important.

'I don't… I mean… Bits are kinda foggy…' Dizziness came over me and I slumped into his arms.

'Don't worry, Suze. I'll look after you, I promise.' He looked down at me. 'I-I love you.'

My brain had stopped functioning however and so if you asked me to recall the brief conversation we had when we got back, I wouldn't really have been able to.

Somehow Paul got me back into my bedroom through, through my bay windows and laid me on my bed.

'Goodnight, babe. I'll see you tomorrow?'

'Yeah…'

Smirking he kissed my lips gently, but romantically.

Pausing by the open window, he looked back. 'It really was for the best, Suze. I wouldn't have done it if I hadn't known you wouldn't have been happy any other way.'

He disappeared.


End file.
